Poultney Vermont – A little bit if heaven

I’ve landed in Vermont and it’s seems like a little bit of heaven. I’m tenting in my longtime buddy Al’s backyard. He got a beautiful place in a small town near the New York boarder.

It’s quite lovely here; cool (high 70s and low 80s), lush and green, a very welcome change from the intense heat of North Carolina and Central America from my recent travels. We been dinking mojitos, enjoying his hot tub, swapping stories, talking photography, hiking and more. Al and his wife Angele are incredibly good hosts making this homeless guy feel quite at home. It’s so nice here that I’ve given some thought to settling in Vermont, not in my good friends back yard as tempting at that seems, but in the area. But I don’t have to think too long on it, as beautiful as it is right now, I know that winters hear are just too dame could.

I had a good two week stay in Connecticut camping in my ex-wife’s back yard. While I was there I replaced rotten clapboards on her house and built an “L” shaped bench for her deck.

I hooked up with my good friend John for some climbing. That was a double bonus; seeing John and getting back on the rock. I also got my tooth fixed. It had broken four months ago when I was in the Bahamas and didn’t want to explore third world dentistry so it went untreated. There was also plenty of alone time that gave me space to decompress form the breakup with Susan. At the time of our breakup I blocked the pain in the interest of emotional self-preservation and survival. There is a sadness deep down inside that I know needs to come out but I don’t think I’m strong enough for that right now. I had to get away from Susan to a safe place to start healing. I’m on that road now but it will no doubt take a while. This place and my friends are helping me get closer to a place where I can heal.

Al took me to a private nature sanctuary that he’d discovered and it was amazing; deep woods, wide meadows, cliff top vistas and even a Japanese garden. We walked and talked but mostly we soaked up the wonder and natural goodness of the place.

The Buddhist have a saying; “Every snowflake lands in exactly the right place.” I can feel the truth of that saying in every cell of my body. As I move forward on this journey I’m making an effort to pay attention to the context as much at the content of my travels and I find the interplay between the two has been fascinating; the snowflake and it surroundings.

Columbia CT – Finally

We finally finished up with Gypsy and then drove that long road back to Connecticut. The last week on the boat and the ride home with Susan was painful. She seemed to feel the need to get in her last digs to make me as miserable as possible. At least that's over with now. I dropped her off at her friends place in New Haven.  I've never been happier to see a woman go.  

I’m staying with my ex-wife for a couple of weeks.  Although we've been divorced for seven years we've remained a good friends.   I'm camped on the edge of her woods, right next to a babbling brook in a yard that is at times filled with hounds. How cool is that?

I started sorting my stuff today. I’d plan to drive cross-country and want to be able to sleep in the back of the van but right now I’ve got too much “stuff” for that to be possible. I could ship some of it but I like the challenge of reducing and reducing. Sorting my stuff is synonymous to sorting myself, which feels like a very good thing to do. As I went through my accumulated things I realized how contextual stuff is. A large portion of what I have, made sense on a boat but doesn’t apply to land living. I had a box full of epoxy and fiberglass, don’t need that. I also had several boxes of food from the boat, which I won’t be using as most of it requires cooking. I’m going to try to eat only things that don't need to be cooked. That will simplify cooking and if I do it right, eating mostly salads and cold granola & yogurt, it should be a healthy diet.

I was thinking about homes and what constitutes a “home”; what are the important elements. It’s an interesting thing to consider from the place that I’m at, technically homeless but not really. I have a temporary home now, my little tent at the edge of the woods. It’s dry, safe and private, three very important attributes for a good home. Those are the foundational attributes, after that comes a comfortable climate, community and a stimulating location. Those I hope to find in Oregon.

Beaufort NC - Hard dharma

Susan and I continue or work of transforming Gypsy from a hard working passage maker into a showpiece. Cleaning, compounding, waxing, painting, fixing and emptying. It’s a daunting task. Besides the work it’s been a bit of a rollercoaster ride as Susan goes through emotional highs and lows. When she up, she’s on top of the world and I’m tolerably beneath her, when down, she’s in the dumps and I’m a detested shit. They say that hell has no furry like a woman scorned and in this case, I have to agree.

I’m trying to learn from this experience. As I work I’ve been trying to figure out what went so wrong with us. Red flags were ignored; compulsive behavior, little untruths, all the Xs in her life; x-boyfriends, x-husbands, x-fathers of her kids, her dropping out of yoga teacher training half way through the program, her spotty work employment history and then loosing her last job.

As I think about Susan, it’s surprising to me how much I don’t know about this woman who I’ve lived with for the past year and know for the past four. When I first met her she was so considerate and generous that she made me uncomfortable. As the relationship continued she progressively became more and more self-centered and inconsiderate. A few days ago, after being quite contrary and disagreeable she announced; “this is the real Susan.” I told her that I was confused, and asked who that other woman was? That really set her off. She asked me from a high place of vengeance if I was accusing her of being false. I said no, that I was just trying to understand what she was saying but she went into full on indignant mode. Who was I to accuse her of falseness. So it goes, cycle after cycle. I just want it to be over and it will end, that’s what I keep reminding myself. “This too shall pass.”

All the big jobs on the boat have been done; the rudder, sanding the bottom, compounding and waxing the hull. It should be all down hill from here and that could be part of what is setting Susan of, the prospect of the final end to us. I try to remember that she suffering too but it’s hard to keep that in mind while she’s busy punishing me. The good news is that there the light at the end of this dark tunnel is bright and colorful; visiting with friends in Connecticut and Vermont that I haven’t seen in almost a year, the road trip I’m planning to take out west and then the exploration of Oregon with the intent to settle. I’ve never been to the Pacific Northwest. Oregon is supposed to be an amazing place in a lot of great ways and should be an excellent spot to explore the rest of the region from. And for now my mantra is; one more week, one more week, one more week…