Susan and I continue or work of transforming Gypsy from a hard working passage maker into a showpiece. Cleaning, compounding, waxing, painting, fixing and emptying. It’s a daunting task. Besides the work it’s been a bit of a rollercoaster ride as Susan goes through emotional highs and lows. When she up, she’s on top of the world and I’m tolerably beneath her, when down, she’s in the dumps and I’m a detested shit. They say that hell has no furry like a woman scorned and in this case, I have to agree.
I’m trying to learn from this experience. As I work I’ve been trying to figure out what went so wrong with us. Red flags were ignored; compulsive behavior, little untruths, all the Xs in her life; x-boyfriends, x-husbands, x-fathers of her kids, her dropping out of yoga teacher training half way through the program, her spotty work employment history and then loosing her last job.
As I think about Susan, it’s surprising to me how much I don’t know about this woman who I’ve lived with for the past year and know for the past four. When I first met her she was so considerate and generous that she made me uncomfortable. As the relationship continued she progressively became more and more self-centered and inconsiderate. A few days ago, after being quite contrary and disagreeable she announced; “this is the real Susan.” I told her that I was confused, and asked who that other woman was? That really set her off. She asked me from a high place of vengeance if I was accusing her of being false. I said no, that I was just trying to understand what she was saying but she went into full on indignant mode. Who was I to accuse her of falseness. So it goes, cycle after cycle. I just want it to be over and it will end, that’s what I keep reminding myself. “This too shall pass.”
All the big jobs on the boat have been done; the rudder, sanding the bottom, compounding and waxing the hull. It should be all down hill from here and that could be part of what is setting Susan of, the prospect of the final end to us. I try to remember that she suffering too but it’s hard to keep that in mind while she’s busy punishing me. The good news is that there the light at the end of this dark tunnel is bright and colorful; visiting with friends in Connecticut and Vermont that I haven’t seen in almost a year, the road trip I’m planning to take out west and then the exploration of Oregon with the intent to settle. I’ve never been to the Pacific Northwest. Oregon is supposed to be an amazing place in a lot of great ways and should be an excellent spot to explore the rest of the region from. And for now my mantra is; one more week, one more week, one more week…
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